the loss of trust

I remember words I wrote some time ago calling security an illusion. For me, it is also still in most cases incomprehensible and something we think we have. After all, who can say with certainty what will happen tomorrow? When we talk about things that should apparently give us security on the outside. For example, objects that give us the feeling of security. Objects can be lost, destroyed or stolen.

A place we call ours. A place of retreat where we can relax and we are not exposed to danger.

People we trust.

No matter how much we move within these structures, we will all experience losing this supposed security at some point.

And yet we are inexorably searching for it. It is vital and existential.

There are so many more aspects that influence our well-being. I would like to focus on just two topics here. For the simple reason of having recently had the experience of losing them from now on. Losing my home and trust in people. And this experience has left me shaken. Yes, emotionally challenged.

I already know this feeling of having lost the house from my childhood.

All possessions were gone from one moment to the next. Swallowed up by the fire.So what are objects?(Almost) everything can be replaced. But never had I felt seriously threatened by it.

I would describe myself as a person who is rarely afraid. Nevertheless, I know myself meanwhile also in situations, which release fear in me. The fear is necessary and it saves me from serious danger.To be afraid for my own life is not a nice feeling. Existential fear.If it is a matter of accommodation, I am very flexible. For the extreme emergency I have my tent and a sleeping bag in my luggage.I will always have a place to sleep.But I found myself in a situation where my life was threatened.And there it was immediately - the fear.And it helped me make a quick decision:Escape - flee the situation. As fast as possible!

After the initial shock and after I felt safe again, I could only realize what had happened. How could such a reaction happen so suddenly? It was a person I trusted.At least enough to live together under one roof.For me it is usually not a question of fearing for my life.

Trust - who can I trust? Who can I rely on?

Don't we trust complete strangers?We have a silent agreement that we will live with each other and let each other live. At least I grew up in this trust.And for that I am very very grateful!

In the end, I trust myself the most.And that's a beautiful, powerful feeling.Because no matter where I am in this world, that is a security that is not dependent on external circumstances.

And so I draw new confidence again and I am more than grateful for a beautiful place where I can be.